But momma didn't say that I would be falling apart at the age of 26. Fair warning...this is probably more information that you ever thought you wanted to know about this Blonde Okie.
Let me just tell you...I have never been a "sick" child. I have never even broken any bones **knock on wood**, I get the occasional allergy sickness, or cold but never really anything serious. Oh, unless you count the time I got mono my senior year of high school. Now that wasn't fun.
I swear, "Oldness" has hit me. Hard. Like a ton of bricks hard. I have this little ol Dairy allergy, remember? Since that wasn't fun enough, I also have a bit of acid reflux and have to take a prescription twice a day. Don't you wish you were me? Doc said I could start to introduce some foods that contain dairy and with this take a Lactaid pill...doesn't this sound fun? I am a freaking walking Golden Girl. Move over Betty White...Lyndse is coming to take your spot. (I love Betty White btw; I mean how awesome is she?)
In my purse I carry with me at all times, a big bottle of Tums, my lactaid pills, acid reflux pills and Ibuprofen. I have an 84 year old woman’s medicine cabinet with me at all times.
If this wasn't bad enough, I went to the dentist this week for my check up and teeth cleaning. The hygienist who must be new, because I have never seen her...tells me that I have very pretty teeth, why thank you--my parents paid good money for these pearly whites---but only from the outside. The outside? What the hell does that even mean lady?
She goes on to tell me that, "For a 26 year old you have the teeth of an older lady."
Of course I do!
What she means by this is, my teeth are very sensitive and prone to cavities more than the average person. I told her she might as well just sign me up for dentures, because at the rate I am going I will need them when I enter the old folk’s home to hang out with my fellow peeps. Oh, I also had to buy special toothpaste. $12.00 toothpaste. Really? I wonder how much dentures are.
Good grief, at this rate I am going to need depends.
THE SKINNY CONFIDENTIAL STARTER PACK
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